DISCLAIMER: This is a long one, probably my longest blog post ever but I just wanted to tell my story and hope that it encourages someone who needs it.
“Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” That about sums up the year for me. Have you ever been in a dark place and it seems every time you feel like you can see the light at the end of the tunnel another bolder drops or the cave that is your life has another curve or dip back into the darkness? That’s pretty much how I felt all of 2019. Like that guy in the state farm commercial with the dollar on the fishing reel dangling it in front of me, “Gotta be quicker than that.”
Look, I’m going to be completely open and raw here. I watched all the recap posts of the greatness that was 2019 for so many of you and was like, well dang! Meanwhile here’s the recap of my 2019:
January: I was ready to conquer the world. I’d survived 2018 (separation, downsizing and depression) My 2020 business plan was done and I was ready to execute.
February: I got a job to rebuild my bank account and compensate for the loss in household income due to the separation. I had a plan. Work, pay off debt. Implement the funnels so my business would get back and running under the new revamp of services.
March-April: The light was glowing in the tunnel. I was Rebounding financially BUT due to my work hours the business was getting neglected. My balance was… well unbalanced because I had to fulfill my new VERY demanding job duties.
May: Reconciled with my husband (SHOCKER) after nearly a year which brought challenges all its own. But that’s a story for another day. But the light was brighter, right?
June-Sept: Working 60 hours per week on ungodly shifts. Family neglected, marriage strained, mentally & physically exhausted and guess what my business was completely fallen by the waste side. I had no time to nurture the plan I created, no time to do consultations or coaching sessions because I was either at work or asleep. THAT’S IT LITERALLY. THAT WAS MY LIFE.
November: Fired. After working 12 hour shifts, 6 day work weeks, seeing my girls for 30 min a day (literally) and my husband twice a week due to our work schedules, yup they FIRED ME. And no I didn’t do anything wrong (another tell ya later story).
December: New job but behind in bills and making less money. Planning 2020 and working my butt off in my biz.
Trust me when I tell you I wanted to snatch my hair out from the roots SEVERAL times. There were tears, depression and times when I just wanted to give up cuz this can’t be my life at almost 40! But, as you can see I survived. How? Three things: Family, Faith & Commitment.
My family has been thee absolute best during this time. They have cheered me own, lifted me up and encouraged me during what felt like my lowest times. They’ve had my back like no other. A support system be it family, friends, mentors, etc. is so important in life. The bible clearly tells us, You will have trials. It’s inevitable. You need people around you that will be there with you in the midst. I had to learn to humble myself and let them in. Little known fact about me, I don’t look like what I’ve been thru. You would never know that I was suffering. I pride myself in making my own way and not asking for help. I don’t tell anyone when things are bothering me. But, last year I learned to open my mouth and ask for help in whatever form that looked like; an ear, a hug or a loan. God says we have not because we ask not. When I learned to speak up and open up a weight began to lift from my shoulders.
My faith has been tested for sure. I felt abandoned at times but one of my goals last year was to grow more spiritually and become closer to God. I read my bible, I prayed and I completed my bible plans on my app and I really talked to God, especially the last quarter. He revealed some things about me that needed to change. He showed me confirmation in His word that I would be okay and He showed me FAVOR, for real. He sent blessings my way to let me know that He is the greatest light (the Light of the world) if I listen and obey. I surrendered to that and watched him work.
Commitment is hard especially when things aren’t going your way. Sticking to it when you don’t see anything happening is a challenge. But I had to learn to really commit. Commit to studying his Word daily. Commit to praying when I felt they were just hitting the ceiling. Commit to working my business when I didn’t see the bank account growing. Commit to getting up everyday and being intentional about achieving my goals in spite of everything going on around me. Commit to being my BEST self (THAT PART)!
I had many failures and setbacks but let me tell you, I am grateful! I am thankful for all that I’ve learned about myself this past year and I am EXCITED about the moves I’m making this year. I survived yall and my edges are poppin, lol.
